Doh! You
dummy!
So it’s late on a Sunday
night and after caving all day I finished up as the last person at the farm,
again. I’d swept the changing room, the old one that is, washed and put away
all the dishes, to stop Norbert defecating upon them. It was time to set off home
to sunny Glossop, as it was, nowhere was sunny as it
was 10.30 p.m. misty and raining. The gear was transported to the Vauxhall
Nova, great big boots they had, and so could easily take the camera gear,
caving gear, sleeping and washing gear. Right, now for the off, slam the boot
and ................ oh no where’s the car key?
The car doors were all
locked, but fortunately I had a tiny little light in my pocket so not all was
lost. How to get into the car? That’s easy, ‘twockers’
do it every day so surely an ‘intelligent’ person must be able to. First thing
to do was to find something to hook the almost smooth door lock knob. A quick
search of the farm produce a length of that plastic strapping they use for
parcels. Now how to get it into the inside of the door? Again an easy solution,
a crowbar that was procured from the outside tackle-store, it used to be the
old barn.
Ready for the assault, I
prized the door away from the frame of the car, lots of paint chips, and slid
the strap in the shape of a loop down inside and after several abortive
attempts managed to snag the button and gently, ever so gently, pulled. Hurrah!
A resounding click and the door was open followed by a little dance of success, done in the puddle
surrounding the car and soaking through my trainers.
O.K. so the car was open
but how to get the keys out of the boot? I’d never really studied the boot
before but I knew it was behind the rear seat, so the seat had to come out
first then the back rest, not easy at all but accompanied with lots of ripping
sounds. After another quarter of an hour the seat had been wrenched out of its
moorings to reveal a metal plate with a few holes in it that were just not fist
sized, hmmm! Another trip back into the farm and a wire coat hanger was straightened
out and fashioned into a hook. Slowly sliding the hook through the hole in the
boot I started an unusual game of fishing as each item in the space was pulled
forward and dragged to one side so I could get a better view of the very front
of the boot.
The process took ages as
the tiny light didn’t shine very far into the boot and I needed both hands for
fishing, so the light was in my mouth shining through one hole whilst the
fishing rod and both hands were working in another hole. I was just about finished
the task when I heard this strange tinkling sounds as I leant forward to try
fishing again. There it was again! Looking down at where the sound was coming
from, I was amazed to see the house and car keys dangling from a string around
my neck. Doh! The keys had been automatically hung
around my neck to prevent the very thing I thought had happened, from actually
happening, but they were inside my jumper until I’d leaned right forward.
I arrived home at about
2.00 a.m. and had to go to work at 6.30. I badly needed a bath and some food so
I was not of my usual bright and sunny disposition when my first Science Class
arrived full of mischief and noise.
This tale re-emerged after
Hugh St. Lawrence unwisely left his car keys in the boot of Richard Bendalls car at Slab Pot. Richard, unfortunately, had to
leave early at 9.30, whereas me and Hugh stayed until 10.30, at which time Hugh
noticed his error. No house keys, no car keys, no clothes, no money and worst
of all no phone to ring Richard. So I’m not the only dummy in town, thank
heavens!
9.
Ray Duffy